Frost and Flames
by Simply Rexene
Summary: One gives you frostbite, the other... third degree burns. What happens when the frost... falls for the flames? (Revamp of an old story of mine. Rated M for language and self harm.)


**Frost**

It's too hot… but it's always too fucking hot. It could be thirty below and still be too damned hot. It's a bit ironic, actually… my ability to control ice. Just so happens, my best friend has control over fire. He's known about his powers his entire life, so why… why am I just finding out about mine now? Now, when I've finally realized how I feel about him… the universe decided to fuck me over in the worst possible way. Now I can't touch him… I can't even sit too close to him… He literally boils my blood.

My therapist thinks that writing all of this down will help me… as if some stupid journal is going to suddenly make it okay to love somebody that I can't even physically be near. But I have to put up the charade, I suppose… jump through the hoops of court ordered therapy. If they don't see any writing in my journal, they'll throw my ass in jail.

So I had a minor fit of rage… froze a few dozen people… They lived. They were fine.

Fuck this.

 **Flames**

I'm mustering all of the self control that I have not to light this stupid fucking journal on fire. "Express my feelings" my ass… These are just words on a page to keep me out of prison. Fucking Roxas… he just had to go insane and force me to save his ass… Now I have this therapy bullshit to go to every week.

Why did my best friend have to develop these crazy powers? I can't even sit near him anymore… and it's driving me insane. Fuck this journal… I'm using this piece of shit to come clean about Roxas. I fucking love him. I love my best friend. My… completely straight best friend.

 **Frost**

I can't even sit here and watch him… I'm at his house, where we'd usually sit on his bed together and play video games together, laugh and tease each other…

Now I sit at his desk and he sits on his bed, because if we get any closer the room will start to fog up. It's total bullshit… I can't stop staring at him. He's perfect… from his flame red hair to his purple tear drop tattoos. Axel is like a fucking God.

Which is pretty accurate, considering that I can't touch him.

 **Flames**

I want to grab him… shove him down on the bed… kiss him with so much passion that neither of us can see straight. And fuck if I don't want to just hold him down and fuck his brains out.

God, what the fuck kind of sadist am I? Though I'm almost like a masochist, really… torturing myself with even the thought of sleeping with him. I knew there was no way it would ever happen, but somehow I still find myself growing hard at the thought of it.

Shit… better get that in check. …Not that he could get close enough to me to really see it.

 **Frost**

Seriously Axel? We had to fight? You and Xion keeping your fucking secrets… Talking about me like I'm not even there… God, you're lucky that I love you so much or I'd…

Fuck, I don't know what I'd do. Touch you? I don't know what would happen, but it'd probably be bad, right? Smack the smirk right off of you…

To touch you… God, just to touch you once… to caress your cheek, your strong jaw line… to press my lips against yours… I think you'd be rough. I could totally see you being dominant. Grabbing me by the hair… pinning me down… teasing me, torturing me… until I'm just a mewling little mess of submissive boy toy that'll bend to your every will.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

 **Flames**

Roxas, you fucking moron… The only secret Xion and I are keeping from you is that I'm so in love with you that I can't think straight when I'm around you anymore. So… do I tell you? No.

I think what scares me the most is seeing the look on your face. Confusion… anger… disgust? Hatred? Fuck no. I'll never tell.

 **Frost**

I love him. I love him and I have to tell him. I'm sitting on his bed, all I have to do is speak up. "I love you." Simple. Clean. Three words. Right now.

…Go.

No… That would be a three word death sentence. Nope, I'll just sit here on the other side of his bed and watch him scribble in his little red leather notebook, my heart pounding out of my chest with desire.

 **Flames**

He's so close—too close. The heat from my skin and the cool of his are creating a light fog in my bedroom, a dewy glow on our skin.

If only he knew what he did to me…

I should just say it. He's sitting right there… I could reach out… pull him close… hold him tight and whisper in his ear, "Roxas… I'm in love with you…"

I'm afraid that you're hurting yourself, Roxas… All of the signs are there—long sleeved shirts, locking yourself away in the bathroom for too long, fidgeting with your sleeves and itching your arms… Those shallow cuts do itch something fierce while they heal…

Don't do it, Roxas. Just… put the blade down and talk to me.

I can help you. I can …love you.

 **Frost**

Too much. I did too much this time. My arm is going numb… the pages of my journal are turning crimson with each drop of blood. I know it's stupid… I know… It's childish and selfish, but ohh does it feel good… It seems to be the only thing I can feel anymore.

But damn… I went too far tonight. My head is fuzzy, my pulse is slowing down… I'm slipping… falling…

Axel, I lo

 **Flames**

I feel sick. I feel like I want to throw up, or cry, or just scream… Why, Roxas? Why would you…? Fuck… I never imagined sitting beside your hospital bed wondering if you would ever wake up again. So why… why am I here? Was your life that bad? Was I being a horrible friend? Tell me, Roxas… Just wake up and tell me how to fix it… Please… My heart is in my throat, and I can't breathe…

Wake up… so I can tell you how much I love you.

 **Flames**

When I… found… Roxas, he was clutching a black leather notebook in his hand… In the chaos I almost forgot completely that I'd shoved it in my pocket, but now…

Okay, I read it. I read everything…

Roxas… you love me? I had to read it over and over… I don't understand. You're straight. I mean… I thought you were straight. Is… is that why you did this?

Fuck, Rox…

 **Frost**

Three months later, and here I am… back to court ordered therapy, scrawling in a journal like a ten year old girl. The good news? I suppose that would be that I survived… Oh, and Axel and I are dating.

Yeah, the moment I woke up he confessed to me… told me that he's loved me for years now. I was so happy… we were so… happy…

But three months has brought thirty bruises. Thirty apologies. Thirty promises, all broken and shattered to oblivion.

I wasn't cheating… I'd finally started dating the love of my life! Why would I cheat?

Why would you hit me?

 **Frost**

I met with Zexion again today. I'm not cheating, really I'm not. But there was something about him that made me feel… like I didn't have to be scared anymore. He showed me his bruises today… apparently Demyx isn't happy about us hanging out either.

Saix has been teaching Axel and I how to control our powers. I… I can touch people now without giving them frostbite. So… so maybe I kissed Zexion once. I needed to know what it was like to touch somebody that I wasn't terrified of.

And oh… was it sweet.

 **Frost**

I'm done… I'm so, so done. Congratu-fucking-lations Axel. You caught us. You caught us doing exactly what you and your friend Demyx drove us to do. How many times was I supposed to let you burn me, kick me, punch me before I finally just gave in? Hell, if I was getting punished for it anyways, why not?

I'm leaving you.

 **Frost**

Three hundred… and fifty eight fucking days… That's how long you were in your coma, Axel… Why would you do it? How could you hold a knife to your own throat? Because I'd fallen out of love with the monster you became?

And why did I stay? Why did I sit by your side every fucking day until you finally opened those emerald eyes again? Maybe I do love you… maybe we can try again.

Maybe you've learned.

 **Frost**

Remember when we fought for our love, Axel? Remember when all we wanted was to touch each other? And now… all I can do is flinch when you move towards me. You're working on it, you promised. You even promised to start your therapy again. You love me…

You love me.

 **Flames**

Why? Why did I have to fuck up this badly? Why did I ever have to accuse you of cheating in the first place? Why did I ever have to hit you…? I don't' even remember doing it most of the time…

Never again, Roxas… I'll never hurt you again. Just… let me touch you.

Let me love you.

 **Frost**

We've been through so much… So, so much. I never thought that I'd be able to let him touch me again… Much less… what we just did.

For the first time in so long… I feel like Axel and I are going to make it. Like it hasn't all been for nothing. Maybe… maybe it's just the afterglow of sex. But I love him… and this is going to work.

I think it's time to set aside my journal and live my life.

I love you, Axel.

 _End._


End file.
